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Perhaps it is a bit of a generalization to dub this a woe of art students in particular—but I will take the liberty of grouping the whole of us together as introspective, daydreaming, over-analyzers. (Though, I don’t mean to exclude non-art-minded folks who fit this bill as well).

All I’m saying, if you’re a fan of stories, imagination, and general obsessing—and especially if you’re a fellow member of my generation—then there’s one thing you’ve definitely taken the time to think seriously about in the past…

Which house would be mine?

Now, this is not something one spends much time fretting over, exactly. It’s more a question of what awesome personal traits one has that can translate into being a member of which awesome house.

If you’re like me, you’ve gone through life alternating between—hey, I like learning. I think I’m pretty clever. I should be a Ravenclaw, for sure. Riddles and word games instead of passwords, an intriguing mystery involving a lost artifact, and the one place I can have what would surely be the oddest of slumber parties with Luna Lovegood. Sign me up!

Occasionally it’s—I accomplished something great…something I didn’t think I had it in me to do. Perhaps I’m a Gryffindor! I can be brave. I totally would have kicked Voldemort’s ass. And obviously I would have been Harry’s best friend—clearly this sorting makes sense.

Hell, I’d also get a kick out of being in Slytherin. Even the token bad guys have a number of admirable traits: loyalty (to each other at least), craftiness, purpose, determination. Certainly they were intriguing enough to be the second most important house in the series. And—if nothing else—being named a Slytherin would be a grand amusement. Yes, Slytherin would be quite commendable.

When it comes down to it, no one actively hopes to be a Hufflepuff.

But that’s exactly what happened to me. Finally, there was a way to get properly sorted—designed by JK Rowling herself. Via Pottermore, an interactive journey through all seven books, us Potter-fanatics could finally know which house we belonged to.

How I wish I could go back to not knowing.

Because, ladies and gentleman, on April 29th, 2012 at precisely 8:37 PM, I was sorted into the Hufflepuff House.

Being a Hufflepuff means that you are not most aptly described as brave, intelligent, or cunning. It means that being bold, witty or fiercely driven apparently are not your strong suits. Ultimately, what it all boils down to…is you’re nice. Remember one of the Sorting Hat’s many songs? 

Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest…

…because they didn’t fit anywhere else. Gee. I feel so important now.

Now, fellow artsies, I should warn you that receiving this kind of information is a dangerous thing. Side effects include: shock, denial, immediately imposed self-isolation, severe gloominess, moderate self-loathing and utter despair.

The question is…what can one possibly do with this life-altering, self-imaging-shattering bout of unpleasant information?

Well. I’m glad you asked. It just so happens I have compiled a list for others similarly appointed against their will…

  1. Wait months—years, a decade? Just sit on the information. Why burden yourself with seeing the ugly mustard yellow that colours the menu of your personal Pottermore page? Who needs to see a badger on the regular anyway? Stay. Away. If you don’t see it regularly, you can pretend it never happened.
  2. Tell no one. Unless you’re in a self-deprecating mood – then tell everyone. Making people share in your ‘merriment’ and good-willed ‘sarcasm’ can act as a decent distraction from the pain.
  3. Reread the blurb you were sent when you were sorted. JK Rowling wrote it…so pretend she wrote it directly to you and not to the millions of others who share your table in the Great Hall. It’ll make you feel special in a way that Hufflepuffs are not. After all, Jo does have a way of making the impossible feel perfectly real.
  4. Start a Hufflepuff support group. Mine is currently at two members. Myself, and my sista-cousin, Riley. I’ve found that it’s best to keep personal feelings of such shame in the family. You know. Unless you’re writing a blog about it. Obviously.
  5. Get a pep talk from your mom:

“How are you, Sweetie?”
“Mom! I just got sorted into HUFFLEPUFF!”
“What?”
“On Pottermore.”
“Oh, honey! I’m so sorry! But you liked your wand…Remember how excited you were about your wand????”

(Actually happened. She hasn’t even read the books and even she knows no one wants it to come to this).

Well, I wish I had more advice to offer should the unthinkable ever happen to you. Unfortunately, the sad truth is, no matter what you do, you can’t make yourself un-see it. It is a scar you will wear upon your heart forever.

Just remember to stay strong fellow Hufflepuffs! Perhaps, if we’re lucky, there will be a spin-off series to debunk our seemingly worthless existence.

…except that would be boring. Why waste a precious continuation of Harry Potter on Hufflepuffs?

Ugh. Even we want the story to be about Gryffindor.

Sigh.

Oh, and one more thing. Let the record show…the Sorting Hat did not take my choice into account.

All is NOT well.

-A

PS. If you’re ever in need of a Hufflepuff-related giggle… Check out these guys.